How Salzburg Spoiled My Children

Give a monkey a banana and it'll be thrilled: I have a banana!

Give a monkey two bananas, then take one away, and it'll be furious: You took my banana!

Our children are monkeys, and Salzburg is 17 bananas.

Bike path on the Salzach river, just outside our apartment

This stunning city looks a bit like Italy, thanks to the influence of Italian architects in the 17th century, but runs with the precision of a Swiss watch. There's a certain predictability here: 500 meters to the next Kirche (church), 250 meters to the next Würstelstand (for bratwurst & kraut), there's probably a Schloß (palace or manor house) on that hill over there, and if you're swimming at a lake and spot a flash of white in the surrounding forest, I'll bet you my modest American swim trunks it's a cheery, naked Austrian.

The spectacular Waldbad Anif, a swimming lake south of Salzburg. Clothing was optional, but fun was mandatory.

But the most predictable thing of all must be the Spielplatze (playgrounds). Reliably, there's one at every country Biergarten, and at every park, there are 4 or 5 at the zoo, a gigantic one at Hellbrun (a picturesque palace), and the local mall (Europark) possesses the most glorious indoor play area our girls have ever feasted their yearning eyes upon.

Derek gives the girls a spin at the riverside park, Spielplatz Franz-Josef-Kai

The girls undertaking some Spartanesque training. Not the castle wall top-roping in the background.

The stellar indoor play area at the Europark mall. Remarkably clean, and ideal for rainy days.

Cosette mans the fort at a Biergarten in Marktschellenberg, Germany, a short bus ride south of Salzburg

The surplus of Spielplatze has transformed our normally contented children into connoisseurs. They're Spielplatze snobs. The playground 50 meters from our apartment (Spielplatz Franz-Josef-Kai ) was once adequate, but no longer: Cosette has scornfully observed that it doesn't even have a proper zipline. And why, pray tell, are there only two slides? Waiting in line for the slide is SO Vienna. C'mon, mom and dad. Take me to a REAL park.

The Hellbrun zipline, an eternal fount of fun. Those are the Bavarian Alps in the background.

On a hot day, this mist machine is pure ecstasy

There is one place of which they never tire: Hellbrunn, of Sound of Music fame. It's the place where 'Sixteen Going on Seventeen' was sung, which forever doomed an innocent pavilion to throngs of shrieking 12-going-on-13-year-old girls. So perfectly does Hellbrun meld the interests of children, parents, lovers, runners, bikers, crossfitters (great pull-up station), and all humans, that I can only assume it was designed in a lab by the most brilliant urban planners of our time. Or, maybe, it's just been around for 415 years, slowly adapting to the changing needs of a growing community. Who knows, but it has all the things: interactive water features, a giant kids' zipline (the source of Cosette's discontent elsewhere), grassy meadows adorned with meticulously planted tulips in the shadow of the Alps, and an adjacent zoo, so if you tire of playing, you can watch rhinos frolick in green pastures. It's just impossibly awesome. You should come, and bring everyone you love.

Our transportation whilst in Salzburg. We LOVE that Croozer trailer, and we'll probably get one when we arrive back in Boulder.

Wetlands in the Hellbrun zoo, featuring deer, pelicans and more

This rhino goes to the hills when his heart is lonely

A moment of calm before these flamingos began squawking ferociously

This piglet is one of Chelsea's favorite things. She swooned.

Hey Salzburg: You showed my kids that there are always at least 17 playgrounds within biking distance. That gourmet restaurants in mountain towns usually have play areas where kids can roam while parents nurse that third pint of Weissbier. That a grazing rhino and a flock of frisky flamingos might live in that lush forest, right over there. That swimming pools, playgrounds, and picnic areas can all coexist in the same 200 square meters.

Two shallow pools connected by a gently sloping slide at Aya Hallenbad. The girls LOVED it.

We can't stay here forever, Salzburg, but maybe we can take a bit of you home with us. Perhaps we open a coffee shop with an adjacent Spielplatz in Boulder, CO. And yes, Cosette: there will be a zipline.